By the mark.

When I cross over
I will shout and sing
I will know my savior
By the mark where the nails have been

By the mark where the nails have been
By the sign upon his precious skin
I will know my savior when I come to him
By the mark where the nails have been

A man of riches
May claim a crown of jewels
But the king of heaven
Can be told from the prince of fools

On Calvary Mountain
Where they made him suffer so
All my sin was paid for
A long, long time ago

Freedom?

It's been easy to let myself slip into numbness since I moved here to San Francisco. There is so much going on around me that is a possibility either for great joy or great pain.

My dear friend Natalie was here visiting me this week. We went down to Sutro Park and sat on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific. We watched a barge as it crept into the bay after a long journey over the ocean. We talked of our longings for freedom and for oneness with creation and our Creator. How easily we fall into fear of our own sensitivity and ability to live vibrant yet painful lives. Yet, how much we miss out on when we live in that safe state of numbness. Staring out at the endless sea, we couldn't help but be reminded of the undying hope and endless possibilities of living the life that we were created to live. The overwhelming power of the sea and also its steady ebb and flow spoke to us about the all-encompassing power of God's love and the constancy of His grace. I always look over those cliffs and feel an urge deep within me to dive straight off into the exhilerating uncertainty of sea and sky.

I write this entry as I take my first steps off the rocks into a vibrant, vulnerable life, with fear cast aside and Arms to catch me.

Oh so long...

So...I know. It's been forever. Where to begin?

Outreach to Morocco and Italy was incredible. Being a staff and encouragement to 11 amazing and growing disciples of Christ was an experience that was challenging and extremely rewarding. I loved being able to look at myself and receive the challenges that God brought to me...how can I lead where I am so weak myself? By His grace, truly. The weaker I became, truly the stronger God showed Himself to be. He is incredible.

Outreach was awesome. Morocco!? Such a crazy group of people, so evidently marked by God for great things. We spent most of our time in the magical and mysterious city of Marrakech. Orange juice anyone? They serve the most delicious Orange Juice that I've ever tasted there. The women in Morocco face so much...many women live as beggars fighting to take care of themselves and their children who have been deserted by their husbands for whatever reason. As always, it is so eye-opening to see those in the world who face what I could never have imagined in the blessed life that I've lived. We blessed them with gifts, with friendship and with the truth of God's grace and unfailing love.

We also went to the city of Rome. Rome overwhelmed me with it's beauty and it's history...as we looked deeper we could see neglect and fear rotting the beautiful walls of this great city. My heart for Rome overflows...the people there so full of vitality and excitement...yet where is the truth and foundation that once stood at it's core? We heard many stories...some who had lost their way, some who had never known it. Everyone looking for it in some way or another. I pray and do believe that our team succeeded and pointing everyone we encountered in the right direction. It was hard to see them go, but I know that God has a special place for each of them.

Being back home is an adjustment! I was able to visit my dear family in Oklahoma. It was really wonderful. My Mom and Dad were able to spend more time with Jason and I loved to see these three who mean so much to me together and able to know each other more. It was a good time to relax, and rest as one can only rest at home!

Now I'm back in San Francisco. I love being here. I love seeing God alive and active here. I'm learning new responsibilities at work. I'm the official Registrar for the DTS (Discipleship Training School), which means I'm communicating with all prospective students and processing their applications for the next fall and winter schools! I'm also coordinating a block party that goes down on August 8th! Block parties are so much fun...we feed about 400 people in our neighborhood, plus we provide worship music, testimonies, free clothes, a play area for kids, and other fun stuff! It's amazing to see God in this neighborhood, to see Him blessing and providing for people that seem to be neglected and forgotten, but are truly not by Him.

In September I will be helping staff another DTS! This school will be going on their outreach to Thailand and Vietnam. I've been there before (on my own school in 2005), and I am excited beyond words to return! I'm excited to see a whole new group of young people coming to this city to learn about God and to learn how to pass that knowledge along. These people that come never cease to amaze me with their desire to know God and to be loved by Him. And He always responds in amazing ways...by throwing His arms fully around them, by carrying them to new places beyond their dreams, by leading them into freedom and truth. I love Him.

I also love what He's doing in my relationship with Jason. It can be so hard sometimes, loving someone in the way that is best for them and not myself. How simple that is and yet how hard! I've learned awful patterns that say I must love others in a way that benefits me. I'm so ready to be done with that. God has been teaching me how to truly love...at last I am beginning to see some changes...they come more slowly than I'd like sometimes...but He is faithful.

Italia & Morocco...Two weeks and 4 days!

Well.

It is hard to believe, but we leave for Roma in two and a half weeks. We will spend our first night there in Rome, and then the next day we fly down to Casablanca, Morocco...it will be a long day of travel, because we will then need to take a train to Marrakesh where we will spend three weeks of our outreach! It has been exciting to learn more about the cultures that we will be stepping into...we have a girl that used to be on staff in YWAM Spain who is coming to give us an orientation on Moroccan culture!

We've also been learning some language skills (just the basics) for Arabic, Italian and French (because French is spoken all over Morocco)...For me, it has been really excited to learn more about Italian culture, as that has been on my heart for many years and always a dream of mine. It's easy to look at Italy as a wonderful and beautiful tourist spot, which it is, but there is much need and deeper things going on there. We've learned that evangelical Christians comprise only 1 % of the population of Italy. The Roman Catholic Church has lost over nine million members in this generation...and many Italians are growing to ignore and despise the church...my heart breaks...that so many "know" of God, but He's only been a distant and traditional God, not a real, personal, loving Father. Growing up "in the church", I feel as if I can relate a bit to that feeling...of being told who God is, but needing to come to a point where I discovered Him for myself. I know that our team will bring real stories and experiences, as we each have them, of God being real and relevant to us...He is not something that we've just been told about or taught...He is SOMEONE who has changed us and loved us in real and tangible ways. I pray that these beautiful Italians would be able to discover God for themselves. Pray for us that we have the courage and strength to share our stories as we are there.

Here is a picture of me and my friend Tia...we went to our friend Lynn's wedding this past weekend!

This is me and Stephanie, one of the our students!

This weekend, me and my friend Liz Dilley are going to Napa for a night to relax! She is such a wonderful friend, as she is wanting to pay for the car, as she knows I am trying to raise money for outreach still...I am excited for a weekend to relax in the beauty of nature and being alone! God provides, not just money, but time and rest when we need it most.

So this week has just been a whirl. I'm not even sure why! Our teaching this week for the DTS students was on "The Bible"...on Thursday, I taught a specific Bible study method, which was really cool...we studied the book of Jonah together, and got so much out of it! A lot about God wanting to use us, even if we're being unwilling or selfish...but also that God wasn't satisfied with using Jonah's life for others, but He wanted Jonah to understand and trust Him still...so good.
Last Sunday, me and my dear Irish friend, Kirsty Reilly, went to Grace Cathedral to listen to a form on human trafficking...which is so huge today, even in our country. A man who has started a movement of awareness was there to speak about his new book "Not For Sale." I didn't realize how terribly prominant this issue is...there are 200,000 modern-day slaves in the U.S. today, and 17,000+ arriving each year. Many of the women here in SF that we pray for and that work in the "massage parlors" are trafficked over from Asia and Latin America under the lie that they will be able to work and find a good life in America, but instead are threatened and forced into working as prostitutes.

Please find out more, this is too much to not be aware of. The website that tells more is: http://www.notforsalecampaign.org

It was really cool, because the guy heading it up is a strong Christian and also a professor at SF State...it was also encouraging because we've been praying for God to open doors to release these women from this for a long time now, and this is the open door!

Today I was able to go to my church here, which I haven't been able to for a few weeks now, and it was so encouraging! God has been challenging me to trust Him with finances...He's provided so much for me...and I have been worried the last few weeks, because I still need quite a bit of support to go on our outreach to Morocco and Italy, and also taxes are coming up fast! But this weekend has been a huge revelation that I have not been trusting Him to provide and take care of every aspect of my life!




After church this afternoon, we went to have pizza at a lovely place called Supremo's. I went with Jason, our friend Steve, and Tyler and Mayra (two of the wonderful DTS students)...we took some pictures...........

There's no greater love.

I know one day, all our scars will disappear,

like the stars at dawn and all of our pain,

will fade away when morning comes

and on that day when we look backwards we will see,

that everything is changed and all of our trials,

will be as milestones on the way

and as long as we live, every scar is a bridge

to someone's broken heart and there's no greater love,

than that one shed his blood for his friends

on that day all of the scales will swing to set

all the wrongs to right all our tears,

and all of our fears will take to flight

but until then all of our scars will still remain,

but we've learned that if we'll open the wounds

and share them then soon they start to heal

(as long as we live, we are bridges to someone broken heart

there's no greater love, shed your blood for your friends)

we must see that every scar is a bridge,

and as long as we live we must open up these wounds

when some one stands in your shoes

and will shed his own blood

there's no greater love. we must open up our wounds

I'm in the process right now of God opening up those wounds...so many things that He's challenging me with...Can I learn to love Him and receive His love? I feel like there has been so much to hold me back from truly loving and receiving love, not only from Him, but from others as well...and He's promising to change that in me. Father, change me...I want to love you with everything in me...

Make us One.

This is our DTS class! This week is going so well. Our guest speaker is teaching on "Relationships" and how important it is that they are healthy and that they follow the model that God gave us. We are all so challenged, and it's really good to see God growing a deeper love inside of each student...a love to know Him and be in relationship with Him, as well as to be in loving and healthy relationships with each other.

Jason left for Ensenada, Mexico for a YWAM conference today! A bit sad, but actually good...I'm looking forward to seeing what God has to say to me this week...to have time to be able to catch up on journaling and reading!

Here are some pictures of Jason and I this past weekend!

Tonight we are going to be praying in the Castro (one of SF's districts, and also where our school leaders, Ruthie and Brian, live) together!

Children below
Fresh from the foe
Hands 'neath the moonlight
Lord please make us one

We hear the tide
Roll through the night
Come lead the weary
Lord please make us one

Children rejoice
Come to the voice
Song of the angels
Healing the broken ones

Seasons of rain
Battles unwon
Lead to the fountain
Wash and make us one

All hearts rejoice
With mighty voice
Make us a rainbow
Lord please make us one

Light in the sky
Breath of our life
Unite the rainbow
Lord please make us one

Make us a rainbow
Lord please make us one