Freedom?

It's been easy to let myself slip into numbness since I moved here to San Francisco. There is so much going on around me that is a possibility either for great joy or great pain.

My dear friend Natalie was here visiting me this week. We went down to Sutro Park and sat on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific. We watched a barge as it crept into the bay after a long journey over the ocean. We talked of our longings for freedom and for oneness with creation and our Creator. How easily we fall into fear of our own sensitivity and ability to live vibrant yet painful lives. Yet, how much we miss out on when we live in that safe state of numbness. Staring out at the endless sea, we couldn't help but be reminded of the undying hope and endless possibilities of living the life that we were created to live. The overwhelming power of the sea and also its steady ebb and flow spoke to us about the all-encompassing power of God's love and the constancy of His grace. I always look over those cliffs and feel an urge deep within me to dive straight off into the exhilerating uncertainty of sea and sky.

I write this entry as I take my first steps off the rocks into a vibrant, vulnerable life, with fear cast aside and Arms to catch me.

Oh so long...

So...I know. It's been forever. Where to begin?

Outreach to Morocco and Italy was incredible. Being a staff and encouragement to 11 amazing and growing disciples of Christ was an experience that was challenging and extremely rewarding. I loved being able to look at myself and receive the challenges that God brought to me...how can I lead where I am so weak myself? By His grace, truly. The weaker I became, truly the stronger God showed Himself to be. He is incredible.

Outreach was awesome. Morocco!? Such a crazy group of people, so evidently marked by God for great things. We spent most of our time in the magical and mysterious city of Marrakech. Orange juice anyone? They serve the most delicious Orange Juice that I've ever tasted there. The women in Morocco face so much...many women live as beggars fighting to take care of themselves and their children who have been deserted by their husbands for whatever reason. As always, it is so eye-opening to see those in the world who face what I could never have imagined in the blessed life that I've lived. We blessed them with gifts, with friendship and with the truth of God's grace and unfailing love.

We also went to the city of Rome. Rome overwhelmed me with it's beauty and it's history...as we looked deeper we could see neglect and fear rotting the beautiful walls of this great city. My heart for Rome overflows...the people there so full of vitality and excitement...yet where is the truth and foundation that once stood at it's core? We heard many stories...some who had lost their way, some who had never known it. Everyone looking for it in some way or another. I pray and do believe that our team succeeded and pointing everyone we encountered in the right direction. It was hard to see them go, but I know that God has a special place for each of them.

Being back home is an adjustment! I was able to visit my dear family in Oklahoma. It was really wonderful. My Mom and Dad were able to spend more time with Jason and I loved to see these three who mean so much to me together and able to know each other more. It was a good time to relax, and rest as one can only rest at home!

Now I'm back in San Francisco. I love being here. I love seeing God alive and active here. I'm learning new responsibilities at work. I'm the official Registrar for the DTS (Discipleship Training School), which means I'm communicating with all prospective students and processing their applications for the next fall and winter schools! I'm also coordinating a block party that goes down on August 8th! Block parties are so much fun...we feed about 400 people in our neighborhood, plus we provide worship music, testimonies, free clothes, a play area for kids, and other fun stuff! It's amazing to see God in this neighborhood, to see Him blessing and providing for people that seem to be neglected and forgotten, but are truly not by Him.

In September I will be helping staff another DTS! This school will be going on their outreach to Thailand and Vietnam. I've been there before (on my own school in 2005), and I am excited beyond words to return! I'm excited to see a whole new group of young people coming to this city to learn about God and to learn how to pass that knowledge along. These people that come never cease to amaze me with their desire to know God and to be loved by Him. And He always responds in amazing ways...by throwing His arms fully around them, by carrying them to new places beyond their dreams, by leading them into freedom and truth. I love Him.

I also love what He's doing in my relationship with Jason. It can be so hard sometimes, loving someone in the way that is best for them and not myself. How simple that is and yet how hard! I've learned awful patterns that say I must love others in a way that benefits me. I'm so ready to be done with that. God has been teaching me how to truly love...at last I am beginning to see some changes...they come more slowly than I'd like sometimes...but He is faithful.